"As I left the meeting, all I could think about were the blank stares and awkward silence..."
I replayed every second in my head, convinced it had gone horribly wrong. Never mind that I’d answered tough questions on the spot, shared valuable insights during the discussion, or that a colleague had complimented me afterward—I felt like a failure. 😔
Sound familiar, Reader?
I see this all the time with clients, and I’ve been there myself. More times that I care to admit. You walk away from a meeting, presentation, or big decision, and instead of seeing the wins, you’re haunted by the little things that didn’t go perfectly.
It’s like our brains are wired to grab onto the awkward pauses, missed replies, or critical comments, and completely ignore all the positive signs around us. And the truth is—we’re not imagining it. Our brains are actually hardwired this way. 🤔
But here’s the good news: There’s a way to break free from this cycle. In this issue, we’ll dig into the science behind why your brain works this way (and how to outsmart it). I’ll walk you through a simple strategy that’s already helped my clients shift their focus, boost their confidence, and show up as stronger leaders.
How Your Brain Tricks You
Let’s go back to that meeting where all you could notice were the blank stares and awkward silence. Why does your brain fixate on that, even when so much went right?
It’s called negativity bias. Thousands of years ago, this instinct helped us survive. Back then, if you missed a signal that something was wrong, it could mean life or death. 😳
But today? That same instinct is making us hyper-focus on every frown, sideways glance, unreturned email, or piece of criticism, even when it’s not that big of a deal. Your brain is designed to spot threats—but in the modern workplace, it’s tricking you into seeing problems where there aren’t any.
But there’s more at play. Enter confirmation bias, the sidekick to negativity bias. Confirmation bias is the brain’s tendency to seek out and interpret information that confirms what we already believe. If you’re already feeling undervalued at work, confirmation bias will make you hyper-aware of any negative signals. Your brain locks onto these moments as “proof” that you’re not respected or valued.
The worst part? Your brain starts filtering out all the positive signs—compliments, recognition, or invitations to collaborate—because they don’t fit the story you’re telling yourself.
So, it’s no wonder that, after receiving 10 positive comments and 1 piece of constructive criticism, your brain fixates on the criticism, blowing it out of proportion. Instead of feeling confident about what went well, you walk away obsessing over that one awkward silence or blank expression.
Together, these two biases distort your reality. They pull your focus to the negative, while the bigger picture—full of success, respect, and acknowledgment—slips away. But the good news? You can flip the script.
Rewire Your Mindset
You know how, when you buy a new car, you suddenly start seeing that same model everywhere? It’s not that the cars magically appeared overnight—they were always there. But now, because you’re paying attention, you start noticing them.
It’s the same with positive feedback and signs of respect at work. They’re there, but when you’re focused on the negative, your brain just filters them out. When you actively look for these signposts—a colleague asking for your input, your boss complimenting your work, or being invited to share your perspective in a meeting—you’ll start to see them everywhere.
And here’s the thing: the more you notice those small, positive signals, the more your confidence grows. It’s a snowball effect. As you shift your attention from the negative to the positive, your leadership presence starts to grow. Your team notices it. Your boss notices it. Most importantly—you notice it.
Once my clients start doing this, they realize the signs had been there all along. They just weren’t looking for them. And as their confidence grows, so does their influence and impact as leaders.
The shift can feel subtle at first, but once you get started, it’s like turning on a light in a dark room. ✨
Start Noticing Signposts
For the next week, make it your mission to actively look for positive cues in your interactions at work. These could be anything from a colleague asking for your opinion to someone complimenting your work or inviting you to collaborate on a project. Even small moments, like someone engaging you in casual conversation or smiling in passing, are positive signposts.
Write down each of these examples, no matter how small. The key is to make your brain aware of these signals, retraining your mind to focus on the positive. The more you seek them out, the more you’ll start noticing—and the stronger your confidence will grow.
At the end of the week, review the positive signposts you’ve gathered. Did shifting your focus change the story you’re telling yourself? How did this affect your confidence and the way you interacted with your colleagues?
💡Finally, ask yourself: Are you starting to see more of the success you were missing before?
The Bottom Line
Negativity bias and confirmation bias can undermine your leadership if left unchecked. But by flipping the script and actively seeking out signs of success, you can transform how you feel—and how others see you.
Read on to learn the science behind the strategy and try a simple experiment to put it into practice!
👉 Know someone who could use a confidence boost? Share this newsletter and help them flip the script on negativity!
