Influence doesn’t start with the ask.
It starts long before—when the ask isn’t even clear yet, but you know it’s coming.
When I was a newly hired exec, I didn’t know what I’d eventually need from the board.
But I knew I’d need something.
A big decision. A bold move. Something uncomfortable.
And I knew I couldn’t wait until that moment to earn their trust.
So I didn’t.
From day one, I treated every interaction—every board meeting, every sidebar, every shared insight—as part of the runway.
I was deliberate about how I showed up and how I showed my thinking:
- Clear on what mattered
- Calm in the face of tension
- Transparent about trade-offs
- Focused on the long game—not personal wins
I wanted them to experience something early and often:
That I wasn’t reactive.
That I wasn’t going to cry wolf.
And that if I ever raised the alarm, it meant something.
Not because I needed credibility in the moment—
Because I was laying the groundwork for when it would really count.
When the Ask Became Clear
Eventually, the ask came into focus.
What we were up against.
What it would take.
And when I’d need to make the call.
I was confident it was the right path—bold, but necessary.
And I had two board meetings to get them ready.
Not to persuade.
To prepare.
Pacing Toward a Confident Yes
I didn’t launch into full-scale advocacy.
I started signaling that change was coming.
Not panic—just friction.
Just enough for the stakes to register.
Just enough for inaction to feel riskier than the leap.
Over the course of two board meetings, I shaped the emotional arc:
- Subtle cues that something was brewing
- Signals that the status quo was becoming untenable
- Clear articulation of the stakes
- And finally, a grounded plan that made bold action feel not just reasonable—but necessary
By the time I brought in the formal recommendation, the groundwork was already in place:
- They trusted I wasn’t overreacting
- They understood the cost of delay
- They were ready to move
And just as important—
They didn’t feel like they were taking a wild swing.
They felt confident.
They were doing their job—asking the right questions, weighing the risks, and backing a decision that served the company at the highest level.
That’s the outcome I wanted.
And it didn’t hinge on the sharpest pitch of my career.
It came from what happened before the meeting even started.
What Leaders Get Wrong About Buy-In
Too many leaders focus on what they want to say—
without thinking about the emotional path their audience needs to walk.
They prep the plan. The logic. The case.
But influence doesn’t hinge on a single meeting.
It hinges on everything that comes before.
Most leaders wait until they need buy-in.
The best ones start long before.
The Emotional Arc of Influence
Think of influence like a three-act play—not a single performance.
1. Earn the Benefit of the Doubt
Early on, focus on presence. Speak with clarity. Listen with intent.
Signal that you understand what matters—so when the stakes rise, your voice already carries weight.
2. Surface the Stakes
As the decision point nears, start signaling that change is needed.
Call out what’s at risk if nothing changes. Let discomfort build—just enough to create momentum.
3. Make the Bold Path Feel Safe
Once readiness peaks, that’s your moment.
Meet it with steady conviction.
Be the calm voice that makes bold action feel like the obvious next move.
The Science Behind the Strategy
We like to think decisions are made by logic. But behavioral science says otherwise.
When stakes are high, people rely on emotional cues to decide whether to engage, resist, delay, or act.
Researchers call this the affect heuristic—our tendency to make decisions based on how we feel about a situation, not just what we know.
That’s why shaping emotional readiness matters.
When you consistently build trust, cue tension, and introduce risk gradually, you’re helping your audience’s brain do two things:
- Feel safe enough to consider a new direction
- Feel uneasy enough to want one
That tension—between confidence and discomfort—is the space where bold decisions get made.
Your Experiment: Build Emotional Readiness
This week, audit your leadership signals.
Influence is already in motion—whether you realize it or not.
Step 1: Identify a high-stakes decision or ask 1–3 months out.
Budget approval. Headcount. A strategic shift.
Step 2: Backcast the emotional arc.
For that moment to land well:
- What do they need to feel then?
- What do they need to feel now?
Step 3: Adjust your signals accordingly.
Are you building urgency? Creating clarity?
Use your voice, timing, and presence to shape the path.
This isn’t persuasion—it’s emotional fluency.
It’s how smart leaders shape readiness—quietly, consistently, and well ahead of the ask.
The Bottom Line
The most important message isn’t the one you deliver.
It’s the one your audience is ready to receive.
And readiness is built—one signal at a time.
So ask yourself:
What emotional groundwork am I laying right now—whether I mean to or not?
And is it setting me up for the next big moment... or quietly working against me?
