I opened my mouth to speak… but nothing came out.
Not a whisper. Not a peep. Nothing.
It was my first meeting with a new executive—one of those high-stakes moments where first impressions matter.
I had done my research. I had my questions ready. I was prepared to engage.
But none of it mattered.
Because at the exact moment I needed my voice the most… it was gone.
I sat there as the conversation unfolded around me, my usual instincts kicking in.
Jump in. Establish presence. Make an impact.
But I couldn’t.
So, instead, I did something I never would have planned.
I sat back.
I listened.
I observed.
And what happened next, Reader, completely changed the way I think about leadership.
What Losing My Voice Taught Me About Leadership
What started as a disaster turned into one of the most eye-opening leadership lessons I’ve ever had.
At first, the silence felt like a glaring weakness. I sat there, uncomfortable, wondering:
- Would they think I had nothing valuable to say?
- Did I just blow my chance to make an impact?
- Was my silence making me invisible?
But as the meeting continued, something unexpected happened.
I noticed things I would have never caught if I had been focused on what to say next.
I picked up on the executive’s tone, pacing, and how they processed information.
I watched what excited them, what made them pause, and when their energy shifted.
And despite not speaking, I was still part of the conversation.
I engaged through eye contact, nods, and active listening.
By the end of that meeting, I had gained something far more valuable than a strong first impression.
I had insight.
The Leadership Superpower You’re Not Using
We’re taught that effective leadership is about speaking up—asserting ideas, proving expertise, making sure our voices are heard.
But what if not speaking is the real secret to influence?
Silence creates space.
It shifts the dynamic of a conversation.
It encourages others to share more than they normally would.
And there’s science to prove it.
The Science of Influence: Why Talking Less Makes You More Powerful
What if I told you that talking about yourself triggers the same pleasure centers in the brain as food, money, and even sex?
That’s exactly what researchers at Harvard University (Tamir & Mitchell, 2012) discovered.
They found that when people talk about themselves, their brains release dopamine—the same chemical responsible for pleasure and reward.
In short: The more someone talks about themselves, the more they enjoy the conversation.
Now, here’s where it gets interesting for leadership.
Most people assume that to build trust, they need to impress others with their own insights and stories.
But science suggests the opposite.
By speaking less and giving others more space to talk, you’re making them feel good—literally.
And it goes even deeper.
Want to Be More Likable? Stop Talking So Much.
A meta-analysis in Psychological Bulletin (Collins & Miller, 1994) analyzed decades of research on what makes people likable.
The conclusion?
👉 We like people more when we feel they’ve listened to us.
Not when they talk the most.
Not when they have the best stories.
Not when they try to impress us.
We like people when they make us feel heard.
And the strongest effect happens when the listener responds with curiosity and engagement, rather than shifting the conversation back to themselves.
But I don’t just want you to read about this—I want you to experience it.
