Hi, I'm Angela, and I Have RBF
That's, Resting Business Face. 🙄
When I’m focused on something, I’m really focused—so much so that if someone pops by my desk while I’m engrossed in my work, I’ll practically jump out of my seat—startled. It’s happened so often that my coworkers once installed rearview mirrors in my office to give me a heads-up! Apparently, I was that unapproachable.
But it wasn’t just my reactions that were throwing people off. It turns out that when I’m lost in thought or concentrating, my face tends to look, well, a bit intense. I wasn’t aware of it until…
The Moment I Realized I Had RBF 🙁
It all clicked for me during a vacation. I was on a historical tour, having a great time and deeply focused on what I was learning. Yet, when I saw candid photos of myself, my face looked like I wanted to be anywhere but there. It was a major disconnect between what I was feeling and what I was projecting.
That moment helped me realize why people at work would tentatively ask, “Is everything okay?” Or why they sometimes assumed I was going to say no when I was completely onboard and predisposed to say yes. (Also, some may have found me a little intimidating—so I’ve been told.) The truth is, I wasn’t being critical or unapproachable. My face just had a different story to tell.
Introducing REF—Resting Executive Face
Determined to get control over this, I set out on a mission to replace my RBF with what I like to call my Resting Executive Face (REF). I spent time in front of the mirror, practicing small adjustments to make my natural expression more relaxed and my mouth, well, less like a frown or a scowl. I didn’t need to smile—just slightly adjust the corners of my lips to soften my expression and avoid sending the wrong signals.
Fast forward to today, and my secret weapon is Zoom. It’s the perfect tool for fine-tuning your expression in real time. I’ve trained myself to maintain that calm, approachable, neutral face during meetings—and believe me, it’s made all the difference.
Smile Science: Why It Works
Here’s the thing: leadership isn’t just about what you say—it’s also about how you carry yourself. Non-verbal communication makes up over half of what we convey, so your face is saying a lot, even when you’re silent. If you’re unintentionally projecting a distant or intense expression, it can make others hesitant to approach or engage with you.
Research shows that even subtle facial cues, like a slight lift at the corners of your mouth, can make you appear more approachable. Studies on smiling demonstrate that even subtle adjustments to your expression can increase perceptions of competence and confidence. Plus, it lifts your mood and reduces stress—a win-win for you and everyone around you. (Don’t worry, you don’t need to smile all the time—just a slight adjustment is enough to make an impact.)
For more on how your expression influences others—and yourself—see more science below in the Leadership Lab. 🔬
REF Training 101
REF is about making sure your expression aligns with your intentions. You don’t have to reveal everything; you just want to avoid sending signals that could be misunderstood. The key is to maintain a composed, approachable look, with the corners of your lips in a slightly upturned position—not downturned or frowning. It’s a simple but powerful technique—easy to practice and capable of making a big difference.
✨ Here’s how to master your own REF:
1. Relax Your Face
Tension in your jaw, forehead, or eyes can make you look stressed, even if you’re perfectly calm. Take a deep breath, release the tension, and soften your expression. A relaxed face naturally looks more composed and approachable.
2. Find Your Neutral Mouth Position
The goal here is simple: avoid a downturned mouth. Lift the corners just enough to bring your lips to a neutral, straight line—or even slightly upwards. This small change can erase any accidental frown. It might feel like you’re smiling, but trust me, you’re not.
3. Train Your Mouth Muscles
Yes, it takes practice! Spend a few minutes observing your neutral face in a mirror. It’s not just about noticing where your lips naturally rest but training them to hold that neutral, slightly upturned position. It may feel odd at first, but with time, this small adjustment becomes second nature.
4. Engage with Your Eyes
Pair your neutral mouth with warm, attentive eye contact. There’s no need to overdo it—just make consistent, comfortable eye contact to show you’re listening and present.
The Bottom Line
Leadership is about presence, and your face is a big part of your leadership toolkit. By mastering REF, you send a message that you’re confident, approachable, and open to collaboration. When people feel at ease around you, they’re more likely to share ideas, ask for your input, and engage fully.
Your face is telling a story—make sure it’s the right one. By controlling the signals your face sends, you’ll feel more in control, project confidence, and build stronger relationships both inside and outside the workplace.
Read on for a simple experiment to put this in practice!
👉 Know someone who could benefit from REF Training? Forward this email to them and help them earn and embrace their seat at the table!
