There was a stretch where I felt exhausted in a way I couldn’t explain.
My calendar was manageable.
My team was strong.
Nothing was actively on fire.
And yet—everything felt heavier than it should have.
Decisions took more energy.
Meetings drained me.
Staying present required more effort than the work itself seemed to justify.
I ran the usual diagnostics.
Was I overworked?
Not really.
Unclear on priorities?
No.
Was the team underperforming?
Absolutely not.
So what was wrong?
It took longer than I’d like to admit to see it.
I wasn’t overworked.
I was over-responsible.
Responsibility vs. Absorption
Here’s the distinction I didn’t have language for at the time.
I was accountable for outcomes I couldn’t fully shape.
Decisions I could influence, but not own.
Risks I had to stand behind, but couldn’t personally mitigate.
That’s senior leadership.
That part is unavoidable.
But somewhere along the way, I crossed a quieter line.
I wasn’t just holding responsibility.
I was absorbing weight that wasn’t mine to carry.
The team’s uncertainty about a decision—I held it so they wouldn’t have to.
The gap between strategy and what the system could realistically deliver—I filled it.
The emotional friction of change—I softened it before it reached anyone else.
None of this was deliberate.
I did it because I cared.
Because I was capable.
Because I could see what was coming and wanted to prevent unnecessary pain.
And if I’m honest—
part of me liked being the one who could carry it.
That’s the trap no one warns you about.
What Absorption Teaches the System
Absorption is often rewarded early in leadership.
It stabilizes fragile systems.
It buys time.
It makes things feel calmer than they actually are.
And because it works—at first—organizations quietly come to rely on it.
Every time I absorbed something on behalf of the system, I also absorbed the signal that should have prompted someone else to act.
The team didn’t build tolerance for uncertainty—because I kept resolving it for them.
Structural gaps didn’t get addressed—because I kept working around them.
Decision ownership stayed fuzzy—because I kept being the backstop.
I thought I was being helpful.
I was actually training dependency.
And the cost wasn’t just organizational.
It was personal.
The Signal I Missed
Looking back, the exhaustion wasn’t a failure signal.
It was information.
Not that I was doing too much—
but that I was carrying what never belonged to me.
The real question wasn’t:
How do I get better at this?
It was:
What am I holding that belongs somewhere else?
Once I could see that distinction, the work changed.
I stopped filling every silence in meetings.
I stopped smoothing over every uncomfortable moment.
I stopped resolving uncertainty the team needed to learn to carry.
Not because I cared less.
Because I cared enough to let the system do its own work.
This Month’s Experiment: Name What Isn’t Yours
Before you absorb the next tension, smooth the next gap, or take on the next emotional load—pause.
Ask one question:
Is this mine to carry, or am I holding it so someone else doesn’t have to?
If it’s not yours, try giving it back—with support, not abandonment.
“I’m not going to resolve this for you.
But I’ll stay close while you work through it.”
Expect discomfort.
Expect things to wobble before they stabilize.
That’s not failure.
That’s redistribution.
Then notice what changes.
What becomes visible when you stop absorbing?
What finally gets addressed?
What energy quietly comes back to you?
The Bottom Line
Senior leadership requires carrying weight you can’t fully control.
That part isn’t optional.
But not all weight is leadership weight.
Some of it belongs to your team’s learning.
Some of it belongs to structural problems that need to be named—not compensated for.
Some of it belongs to other people’s discomfort—and they need to feel it to act.
If you’re exhausted in ways your calendar doesn’t explain, the issue may not be capacity.
It may be where you’ve been placing responsibility.
Before you take on the next thing, ask yourself:
What am I absorbing that someone else needs to own?
Because the strongest leaders don’t carry everything.
They carry what’s theirs—
and stop stealing the weight that allows others to grow.
—Angela
P.S.
What makes absorption hard to stop isn’t workload.
It’s what happens when you don’t carry it anymore.
That’s the part most leaders aren’t prepared for—and what I’ll explore next.
